3 Key Ways to Release Fear, Reduce Stress, and Embrace Your Inner Strength for Birth
By Candace Stewart, RN, CLC, and Doula at Compass Doula & Lactation.
1. Rewire Your Mind with Knowledge and Positive Vibes
• Look, I’ll be real, before my first son was born, I was terrified. All those movie scenes of women screaming, doctors rushing around, and waters breaking in the middle of a grocery store? They had me convinced birth was going to be chaos. But as a nurse and doula, I’ve learned that fear often comes from not knowing what’s really going on with your body or from hearing too many horror stories. When you’re scared, your body tenses up, your nervous system kicks into fight-or-flight mode, and that releases adrenaline, which can slow down labor. On the flip side, when you understand how your body works, like how oxytocin makes your uterus contract like a champ or how endorphins act as your body’s natural pain relief, it’s easier to trust the process.
• What You Can Do: Start educating yourself now, not just when labor hits. Read books like Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth or take a class like HypnoBirthing to learn how your cervix opens more easily when you’re relaxed. Spend a few minutes each day visualizing a smooth, peaceful birth; picture your body opening, your baby moving down, all while you’re calm and in control. I used to do this while sipping tea, imagining my boys arriving with ease. Also, seek out positive birth stories from podcasts, blogs, or chats with friends who had empowering experiences. Skip the dramatic TV shows; they’re not doing you any favors. This rewires your brain to see birth as natural, not a medical emergency, and it keeps those feel-good hormones like oxytocin flowing.
2. Create a Safe, Cozy Birth Space
• When I was pregnant with my second baby, I noticed how much my environment affected my mood. At home, I was relaxed, but walking into a sterile hospital room? My heart rate spiked, and I could feel my body tense up. That’s because new places can make us feel unsafe, triggering adrenaline that stalls labor. I’ve seen this over the years, labor slows down when they get to the hospital because they’ve left their comfort zone. Creating a space that feels like you, whether you’re birthing at home, a birth center, or a hospital, helps your nervous system stay calm, letting oxytocin and endorphins do their magic.
• What You Can Do: Make your birth space your own. Bring fairy lights, a playlist of your favorite songs (mine were a combination of mellow indie tunes and uplifting worship music), or even a lavender-scented pillow. When I supported clients as a doula, we’d pack a bag with cozy blankets and photos to make the hospital feel like home. Choose a birth team that gets you, whether it’s a midwife, OB-GYN, or doula like me, who’ll cheer you on and keep things calm. Also, practice speaking up for yourself. I tell my clients to write a simple birth plan and rehearse phrases like, “Can we talk about my options?” so you feel empowered, not overwhelmed. This keeps your body relaxed, reduces tension, and helps your cervix open like it’s meant to.
3. Practice Calming Your Nervous System Now (Yes, During Pregnancy!)
• As a fertility nurse, I’ve seen how fear and anxiety can mess with the reproductive system, and birth is no different. When you’re stressed, your body goes into survival mode, muscles tighten, adrenaline spikes, and labor can stall. I remember feeling so anxious during my first pregnancy, worrying about every little thing. Learning to calm my nervous system was a game-changer, and I wish I’d started practicing earlier. It’s not about eliminating fear (it’s normal to feel nervous!), but about turning down the volume so you can surrender to the process. The more you practice this during pregnancy, the easier it is to tap into that calm state during labor.
• What You Can Do: Try simple techniques like deep breathing; inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for eight. I did this every night while pregnant, and it became my go-to in labor. Apps like Calm or Headspace have guided meditations for pregnancy that can help, too. Another trick is progressive muscle relaxation: tense and release each part of your body to let go of stress. I teach my clients to do this weekly, starting in the second trimester, to build the habit. Also, move your body; gentle yoga or walks helped me feel grounded and less anxious. These practices train your nervous system to shift from fear to calm, reducing pain and helping your body open up during birth.
Final Thoughts
Birth doesn’t have to be something you grit your teeth through. I’ve been there, nervous, unsure, but also amazed at what my body could do when I let go of fear. By learning about your body, creating a safe space, and practicing calm now, you’re setting yourself up for a birth where you feel powerful and in tune with your body’s wisdom. It’s not about being fearless; it’s about turning the dial down on worry and turning up the trust in yourself. You’ve got this, and I’m cheering you on every step of the way.
With love and support,
Candace Stewart, RN, CLC, and Doula
Compass Doula & Lactation PLLC